Boy, do I have a lot to learn! Lol, you think you will 'dip your toe' in the water and try something new that has scared you....and you find out that you actually need to learn how to just put your toe in the water first! My blog design may be boring as hell, but I think we are just going to be stuck with it, until I have time to learn more about the basics of these templates, designs and tools....so I can make it serve me better.
I've decided not to micro-manage any aspect of this blogging experience....lol, it really may not be that important any way. I could just be writing to myself. :-) But more than that, I want it to be something that 'flows and evokes' for me the insight I am reaching for. That's only going to happen if I do 'let it flow' and not fret too much over mistakes, etc. So I'm not going to spend lots of time in the other 23 and a half hours of my life thinking about it. Instead I'm going to 'live life' and then take this half hour to 'process' and let those 'aha moments' pop up right here.
With all of that being said, let me introduce myself. (smile!) You can call me T. A lot of people do. I'm a 50's, pretty happily married woman, with kids and step-kids, who I love and adore. And like many who wear my title, I've been over-involved with my children at different times in their lives. (grin!) And like many life experiences, it has helped to take me to this place that I am now. Of looking at myself thru fresh eyes, learning to see who I am without the defining moniker of 'mother' attached to my being. It's pretty awesome actually. It took me a long time to get here. And it is amazing how attached I've been to that role in my life. I know there is so much depth to who I am (lol, one of my family's complaints) and yet, as I look around....it's hard to 'see' what is left. I'm so used to zeroing in on all the layers of being a motherly caretaker. It's like in the 'picture of my life' those aspects stood out in sharp contrast, and all of the other traits, characteristics, and aspects of me faded so much into the background, they almost became white and unable to be seen.
Lol, not going to list lots of specific details, but it is safe to say that my kids are 'well' into their 20's. So the 'letting go' process has been slowly occurring. And often not at as fast a rate as my children would have liked. But, well....everything happens in it's time. Lol, and my kids will get that one day. And quite honestly, other than a periodic reference for 'understanding' I don't intend to talk about my kids very much. This is about me. Lol, for the first time in 'their' life, I am thinking of ME first. (grin!) It feels good and slightly scary at the same time. I guess, mostly, because those 'details' are faded into that white background. And I'm not sure what I'm going to see and find as I look. But I am excited to begin the journey.
I think, like a lot of things we repress or don't allow attention to, those background details are going to be slow, coming into focus. I hope I won't get too 'boring' or redundant as I explore and work on figuring them out. Lol, I hope I can find some 'interesting' stories to include to at least make it worth your while, to stop and read for a few minutes. But well, I may not. Lol, that might be my learning curve for down the road a bit. And in that case, it will just be me and You....this fictional person I imagine I am writing to, who is made up of lots of attributes of many people. And Your imagined attention is what is pulling these things out of me, including realizations as I go.
So that takes care of the mundane introductions.....and now tomorrow, hopefully we can begin to party together, in whatever way we want to do so. Until then....oh, I'll work on some catchy 'sign off' phrase, but for now, this is all you get. :-) Wait, wait...I'm a 'quote Queen' and love to collect them from all over the place. I saw this one the other day from Dolly Parton, and maybe it should be my 'catch phrase.' "Figure out who you are; then do it on purpose." That actually sounds like a really great goal! Until.....
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