Good Morning! I've decided to only work on this during the week days. Too much going on during the week ENDS and I don't want it to become a chore. I've also been having phone issues, and in the process of fixing them, the phone company has now disconnected my internet service. So this post will probably get done at work.
It was a lovely weekend....I got to visit on Friday night with some new girlfriends. They invited me to a wine and cheese celebration of the closing of a business. Somewhat strange to celebrate, but it turned into a very enjoyable evening. There was another lady there with my name, and it turns out there may be something to our names affecting our personalities. Lol, she could also be 'way too much' sometimes! Very talkative, and very opinionated, and very open. Of course, overall I like that in a person, so I'm not complaining, I promise.
It's funny, but I realize as I type those words, that IS how most people would describe me. And while I enjoyed the evening, I actually talked very little. Lol, especially in comparison to the others. It was easy to just sit and listen and once in a while, make a comment that would take them on another tangent. I can see how I used to do that a lot too. Take a tangent and keep on talking, I mean. And yet, I've also been quiet a lot also. I wish I could look at myself objectively, and see if that was part of my far past, or if it is just something that has crept up lately.
Alas, that is not always possible. Sometimes 'life' creeps up on you in such a way that you don't really realize when you stop doing one thing and begin another. You just know that THIS is who you are right now. I have some family members who don't really want to see who I am right now. They want to keep me stuck in the past, and in their case, the very far past. I wonder if I have contributed to that mindset, by my willingness to 'take responsibility' for my part (and sometimes more than my part) of a situation, THE MINUTE I realize I have some culpability.
I have realized the words that one uses to describe or talk about ones self DO affect how others see you. I've spent way too much time and used way too many demeaning words, to describe many of my traits and actions, just because I wanted to show that I was willing to 'see myself' and my part. (smile) All because I had a close relative who never was......another example that when you swing to the whole other side of an issue, you often aren't in any more of the 'right' place than the person whose actions sent you there.
Learning to find that 'balance' and live it, without being pushed by others actions, may be the most important aspect to learn on living one's life well. And I do want to continue towards that place. I have realized that some of the people closest in my life have evoked from me growth and change. And yet in their dealings with me, they want to keep me stuck in the past. I guess it is easier for me not to effect them if they can do that. My task will be figuring out how to stay in my 'balanced' place....no matter what they choose to do, or how they choose to see me. Until.
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